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Top 10 Ideas for MSNBC to Try In Order to Increase their Ratings
March 14, 2011
I am just going to come out say it: I loathe MSNBC. I really do. I cannot stand that network. At all.
And because of this, I LOVE the fact that they consistently get beat down in the ratings by Fox News. Seriously, I delight in their misery.
So it is that I came up with some ideas for MSNBC in order to try in an attempt to raise their normal viewership (somewhere in the neighborhood of 87-92 folks nightly) to at least the lower triple digits.
In fact, I would be so proud of them if they hit 100 viewers. I am getting choked up just thinking about it.
Thus, here are the “Top 10 Ideas for MSNBC to Try In Order to Increase their Ratings”
10. Integrate a multi-colored “Chris Matthews Tingle Meter” (with suggestive musical soundtrack) into the telecasts of Hardball for those moments when President Obama really gets Chris going.
Bow chick a bow wow.
9. You know what? Forget it. From now on have Chris Matthews host the show in. the. nude.
8. Bring “Countdown with Keith Olbermann” back as a 3-D show.
Because there is nothing like watching an overbearing, condescending, snarky, and maniacal liar in 3-D. Nothing.
7. Quietly change the name of the network to MSNB-FOX.
6. Introduce yet another primetime show with a screaming, white, balding, middle aged, liberal male as the host…
What’s that?
They did that already?
Well, hello Lawrence O’Donnell and Ed Schultz. Nice to see you both. Thanks for coming. Good to have you on board.
5. Six Words to Ratings Gold: Air Lockup 24 hours a day.
4. Highlight the fact that Maddow is a lesbian…If you know what I am saying.
3. All MSNBC shows will have one conservative guest each night. However, said conservative guest MUST BE personally attacked and berated to the point of the show’s host utterly and awkwardly embarrassing themselves and the network.
Because you know, that has been such a ratings bonanza in the past.
2. Present a week-long expose on the Koch Brothers in which each MSNBC host magically connects them to the conspiracy to cover up the following stories:
A. The overwhelming evidence of the Loch Ness Monster (JUST REPLACE THE L IN “LOCH” WITH A K!).
B. How William Howard Taft’s failed economic policies massively benefited Koch Industries during the year 1912 even though Koch Industries wasn’t actually founded until 1940. Whatever.
C. The role the Koch Brothers played in the slow and agonizing death of the Hollywood career of the dude who played Screech on Saved by the Bell.
D. How the Kochs knew about and failed to stop the framing of my cousin Jerry who got fired from McDonald’s after he allegedly got caught smoking doobies in the walk-in freezer at the back of the kitchen during the summer of 1989.
1. Say goodbye to the MSNBC slogan of Lean Forward…
Say hello to the new MSNBC slogan: Bend Over.
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So, what do you think of the list? You got any other ideas?
Top 10 Ideas for MSNBC to Try In Order to Increase their Ratings…
Here at World Spinner we are debating the same thing……
At least pretend to be somewhat sane!
DUMP all the traitors!
Bravo!
Here’s an idea, goodbye “Lean Forward”, hello ” Looney Tunes”,
both as a slogan and programming content.
New Marketing Ploy: “MSNBC ~ the winner of every news race because we make only left turns and do it faster than anyone else.” This should appeal to all race fans no matter what type of racing they favor.
I take exception to your description “white, bald and middle aged”. It does NOT make me a liberal, and I see this very description in your future, if your lucky. ASSHOLE!
I like my Idea of having a translator explaining to the viewing public what the left really is saying in each news cast, commentary, etc. And they can be as verbally abusive toward the liberal media as they want. That should get more viewers
Seth, I apologize that I have to ask this, but what is MSNBC and who are these people you mention?
Real journalism. Doubtful if anyone there would recognize if it bit them on the … nose.
Uhmmm? How about we just pull the plug and watch them gasp their last breath like ObamaCare will do for so many Americans?
Awesome. 🙂
What would be the reaction of the public beif a station like fox or any other conservative station had a lesbian on their show or a slobbering idiot like matthews.I wonder why they took tucker off of msnbc was he to conservative or did he try to hit on maddow ha ha
A democracy is supposed to protect the rights of the minority but I guess you do not believe in the minority having rights.
The only way MSNBC could increase their ratings would be if they had Glenn Beck working there!!
Seth, I would never trust a twat who worked for Snake Farm. MSNBC has got it’s boring spots, like all the cable news channels….you should take you act to Rachel Maddow’s show….she would make you cry.
Fox news is on my TV 27/7 no lie my husband only turns the tv off for Rush. It would help if you would be a little more hardballed with the senators you guys are to easy on them. Tell them when there lying, we know it why not just say it, what are you afraid of? My husband tells me that if you guys are too hard on them they wont give you an interview .. so what there always lying anyway so who care if there on or not. Well I said what I had to say. Stop putting on stupid stuff for a long time and someone good is on you cut them short. I guess its a time thing.
They could just introduce the show and themselves but show re-runs of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” that would get their ratings up. I believe her show was a great success.
They could have Charlie Sheen do in depth reporting on location
tell em to run re-runs of Glenn beck maybe that will work!
In a desperate attempt to gain market share, they should announce that they are denouncing the left, Obama Et Al and throwing their support behind a ticket of Sarah Palin and Ron Paul, in no particular order.
I can’t stop laughing! So Awesome!
#1 get rid of Rachael Madow #2 get rid of Rachael Madow,#3 get rid of Rachael Madow,#4 get rid of Rachael Madow, #5 get rid of Rachael Madow, #6 get rid of Rachael Madow, #7 get rid of Rachael Madow, #8 get rid of Rachael Madow, (#9 get rid of Rachael Madow, #10 get rid if Rachael Madow, thats my story and i’m stickin to it.
I have one more suggestion. Try at least once to tell the truth!! It just might help your credibility with the American people
Best Bet…… Sell MSNBC to a FOX affiliate.. Ratings will surge within minutes….
Mika couldn’t contain herself laughing uncontrollably at the showing of former VP D C heart surgery and frailness.
Then only after all the email that came in busting her chops she tried to back peddle and lie her way out, but this is A typical and nothing new for her.
She will flat out lie and try to make like her opinions are FACTS