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Top 10 Dark Horse Republican Presidential Candidates
April 1, 2011
With the presidential election only about 20 months away, the list of GOP nominees is slowly starting to come into focus as “exploratory committees” and PACs are forming almost on a daily basis.
The names are well known: Gingrich, Palin, Romney, Bachmann, Pawlenty, Daniels, etc.
And while some of these names might not excite all of us (or any of us for that matter), I do have some alternative suggestions for some dark horse GOP candidates that we may want to consider…
Or maybe not.
Regardless, here are the Top 10 Dark Horse Republican Presidential Candidates:
10. Arnold Schwarzenegger…Take our word for it that he was in fact “born in Hawaii”. And no, you cannot see the birth certificate.
9. Unnamed Crazy Lady in Arizona…I just want her to run for president so that she will stop sending me all of her whacked out, conspiratorial mass e-mails even though I have begged and pleaded to be taken off her list for two years!
8. Rand Paul / Les Paul / Chris Paul / RuPaul…The assorted candidates with the last name of Paul break down like this:
The first is probably still a few years away from becoming a serious candidate though he is rightly beloved by the Tea Party. The second Paul on the list is an entrepreneur who created some of the most well known guitars on the planet…but he is also dead. Next comes a well known NBA basketball player who has no chance because he just so happens to be a massive Obama fan. The last Paul on the list is best known for being ABSOLUTELY FAB-U-LOUS…
7. Chuck Norris…His campaign will focus on threatening roundhouse kicks to the face to those who refuse to vote for him.
6. Seabiscuit…If we are making a Top Ten up of dark horses, we have to include Seabiscuit, right? I mean that movie that came out about this horse a few years ago with the dude from Spiderman was awesome. I think I even cried at the end.
(And including him on this list just shows you how damn hard it was to come up with names for it.)
5. Colin Powell…No, really, just hear me out: He is still a Republican. And he is a brilliant military mind. He is also a former Secretary of State. Plus, he has great name ID. And…
Okay, screw it.
He is nothing but a RINO liberal who still publically supports the man he would have to run against for the presidency. He knows it and we know it, too, Colin!
4. Steve King…He would have to take time off from writing his new novel which revolves a small town in Iowa where Muslim teenagers turn into bloodthirsty devil-clowns every night at sundown.
Wait, is that the wrong guy?
Oh yeah, that is Stephen King. My bad.
3. Tom Selleck…Sure, he is a registered Independent, but he fancies himself a Libertarian. Plus, he is big on gun rights and plays a character with the last name of Reagan on his current CBS show Blue Bloods.
And I’ll be honest with you: I would work my butt off to see that mustache behind the desk in the Oval Office.
2. Ron Paul…Love him or hate him, let’s be honest in the fact that his chances are not very good. Sort of like the chances that I will not receive hate mail for the next one on this list…
1. Glenn Beck…If nothing else he would usher in a new era in politics by brining on Gold Line and Food Insurance as his official campaign sponsors, he could help finance the campaign by charging even more exorbitant fees for people to become “The Insiders of Insiders Extreme”, and he could eventually make piles upon piles of money by writing and selling a book about his campaign experiences! Makes me wonder if Glenn is all about the money, money, money!?!?
What do you think about the list? And do you have any other better ideas?
I am delighted that you can find humor in the situation that this country is in at the present. Why don’t we just get really ridiculous and toss your name into the mix. It is apparent to me that you and seabiscuit have about the same degree of intelligent conversation. No wait a minute, he could run.
Too funny. I think we need Chuck Norris if we are actually going to turn this ship around. 🙂
Mr Newt all the way I hope.
Chuck Norris is my pick
Mike Huckabee is the only one at all that can possibly help this nation.
I think Sarah Palin is ,without question,the breath of fresh air we need to set America back on the track our founders intended.She is a great American patriot.
THIS HAS TO BE A JOKE.THERE IS NOBODY ON THAT LIST THAT WOULD MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT.WHAT DO YOU WANT ANOTHER STUPID ASS PIECE OF SCUM IN OFFICE AGAIN? THIS JERK WE HAVE NOW ISN’T EVEN FROM HERE.I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO GET THIER HEADS OUT OF THIER ASS;S AND GET SOME REAL PEOPLE IN OFFICE NOT THIS CRAP WE HAVE BEEN GETTING.obamy AND bush ARE THE WORST PIECES OF CRAP WE HAVE HAD IN OFFICE.
Not really sure where you’re going with this. Are you knocking the GOP? Are you attacking the Dems? Are you going after politics in general? Was this meant to be a bi-partisan comedy piece? Maybe it’s just me, but I couldn’t couldn’t see the direction. The schwarzenegger coment was funny. It set the tone for ripping the dems, maybe politics in general. But the rest is confusing.
I would vote for Chuck Norris! He’s a straight up, no nonsense conservative core values guy, and God know–this country needs that. Besides that–he’s probably the ONLY one who could actually control Congress.
If you think you’re a comedian, don’t quit your day job. Your humor is so lame it needs a wheelchair.
Seth, Seth, Weth….Win with Seth, I am am outta breath, not on meth, punch me in da teef, if I dont have beleef….that there was but one woman on your list?
Scuze me, but the WASPentecostal came out there.
Get your radio show going buddy because you CAN bring it. Some of us are looking for a bit less cerebral than Dennis Millers archaic reaches but still with the good laughs.
Ya did good here Seth.
Seth, Seth, Weth….!
Sarah Palin for President, for intelligent action, Tom Selleck, VP to add balance, calm demeanor and to kick a** in the Senate, Chuck Norris, Sec. of War (*nough said), Ron Paul, In charge of Treasury, IRS, Spending!
Did you forget about Ted Nugent? I’m depressed now. I want Ted to run in 2012!
I like Carl’s comment, however I’d put Tom at the top of the ticket and Sarah as V. P. Condie Rice as Sec’y of State, but put Donald Trump as treasurer. Obama? I vote to send him to Gitmo!
JOHN BOLTON for President in 2012
I’m interested in Allen West or maybe Donald Trump. I’ll have
to wait a while, I liked Chris Christie till I found out how he liked the muslims. Things change.
April fooll yesterday yes fooooooolllllll find man with presidential characters hello we be in crisis hope nudder list this is no…thing
It’s too bad that Ross Perot doesn’t run!, O.K, so he looked funny, but made a lot of sense, He paid for his own campaign,
bought his own air time, and had a good business sense about him. So he was a libertarian,but he was born in the U.S, and seemed to care what happened to us, But Ronald Reagan, R.I.P, there was someone who put the fear of God into Momar Kadafi but as far anyone else who wants to run,? Well…. If they aren’t crooked, Womanizer, non-born American,..they won’t get into office, so this means that “Joe” the plumber, don’t have a hope in hell’s chance of getting elected then as the Common man or woman does.
Well I guess most nobody noticed the date of the post??????????/
We can’t keep electing people to the House or Senate, or even a Governorship and then think it’s OK for them to campaign for president on the taxpayers dime while not doing the job they were elected to do… Last election every candidate was a Senator or Representative (except Mike Huckabee, bless his heart)… NO MORE!! They want to run, then resign from your position as a Senator, Representatiive or Governor before you do.
So my Dark Horse candidates would be Herman Cain and The Donald (I didn’t like Rick Scott at first, but when you tick-off a business guy w/money you get just the change we need and the cahones to follow through with it. Rick Scott’s doing one hell of a job & I suspect Trump would, too!! ).
Tom Cruise; Maybe he could get some help from some intellegent life off the planet. After all he has none.
john bolton, newt could destroy obama in a debate but they are not very exiting allen west, cain are interesting but need alot more exposer i dont think we know the canidate yet we are looking for regan
Although Chuck could kick asp if he needed to Mike Huckabee has my vote.
West and Palin.
West to get Muslims and Palin to uphold the Constitution.
Not trump. He would be almost as bad as obummer
You forgot “The Rent’s Too High” candidate. He turned republican after this past election cycle.