With the presidential election only about 20 months away, the list of GOP nominees is slowly starting to come into focus as “exploratory committees” and PACs are forming almost on a daily basis.
The names are well known: Gingrich, Palin, Romney, Bachmann, Pawlenty, Daniels, etc.
And while some of these names might not excite all of us (or any of us for that matter), I do have some alternative suggestions for some dark horse GOP candidates that we may want to consider…
Or maybe not.
Regardless, here are the Top 10 Dark Horse Republican Presidential Candidates:
10. Arnold Schwarzenegger…Take our word for it that he was in fact “born in Hawaii”. And no, you cannot see the birth certificate.
9. Unnamed Crazy Lady in Arizona…I just want her to run for president so that she will stop sending me all of her whacked out, conspiratorial mass e-mails even though I have begged and pleaded to be taken off her list for two years!
8. Rand Paul / Les Paul / Chris Paul / RuPaul…The assorted candidates with the last name of Paul break down like this:
The first is probably still a few years away from becoming a serious candidate though he is rightly beloved by the Tea Party. The second Paul on the list is an entrepreneur who created some of the most well known guitars on the planet…but he is also dead. Next comes a well known NBA basketball player who has no chance because he just so happens to be a massive Obama fan. The last Paul on the list is best known for being ABSOLUTELY FAB-U-LOUS…
7. Chuck Norris…His campaign will focus on threatening roundhouse kicks to the face to those who refuse to vote for him.
6. Seabiscuit…If we are making a Top Ten up of dark horses, we have to include Seabiscuit, right? I mean that movie that came out about this horse a few years ago with the dude from Spiderman was awesome. I think I even cried at the end.
(And including him on this list just shows you how damn hard it was to come up with names for it.)
5. Colin Powell…No, really, just hear me out: He is still a Republican. And he is a brilliant military mind. He is also a former Secretary of State. Plus, he has great name ID. And…
Okay, screw it.
He is nothing but a RINO liberal who still publically supports the man he would have to run against for the presidency. He knows it and we know it, too, Colin!
4. Steve King…He would have to take time off from writing his new novel which revolves a small town in Iowa where Muslim teenagers turn into bloodthirsty devil-clowns every night at sundown.
Wait, is that the wrong guy?
Oh yeah, that is Stephen King. My bad.
3. Tom Selleck…Sure, he is a registered Independent, but he fancies himself a Libertarian. Plus, he is big on gun rights and plays a character with the last name of Reagan on his current CBS show Blue Bloods.
And I’ll be honest with you: I would work my butt off to see that mustache behind the desk in the Oval Office.
2. Ron Paul…Love him or hate him, let’s be honest in the fact that his chances are not very good. Sort of like the chances that I will not receive hate mail for the next one on this list…
1. Glenn Beck…If nothing else he would usher in a new era in politics by brining on Gold Line and Food Insurance as his official campaign sponsors, he could help finance the campaign by charging even more exorbitant fees for people to become “The Insiders of Insiders Extreme”, and he could eventually make piles upon piles of money by writing and selling a book about his campaign experiences! Makes me wonder if Glenn is all about the money, money, money!?!?
What do you think about the list? And do you have any other better ideas?